I tried to escape and warn my family, but was brought into what looked like a dressing room.  Inside was the leader of the cult.  He cornered me a bit and I’m assuming tried to convince me to join their fellowship (there was no audio during the dream.  …what?).  I tried to bolt, but suddenly I was in the back seat of a car with the leader driving.  He talks some more, before his face slowly turns into my own.  After this, the guy starts psychoanalyzing me something fierce.  I have no idea how, since I couldn’t actually hear anything.  Kinda made me want to join, right up to the point I woke up.

I guess it was a city, since I walked everywhere.  As I explored, I noticed this massive, oddly designed building.  Inside was the greatest arcade I have never seen in my life.  If you could think of a game, they had it.  The X-men game?  Had it.  Soul Calibur?   Had it.  Bucky O’Hare?  Fucking had it.  They also had skeeball and the like.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have any quarters on me whatsoever, so I decided to make the trek back to the motel room to get some cash.  This was when I wake up.

My dreams are fucking cock-teases.

My friend Eddie told me that this hobby shop was having a HUGE sale and convinced me to go check it out.  It turns out this hobby shop had entire rooms dedicated to graphic novels and trade paperbacks.  Everything was 80% off.  They literally had everything I could ever hope to find there, and I was wracking my brain trying to think of more stuff to buy.  That’s when I discovered their video game section.

They had Mario Kart 7, and other 3DS games for 80% off as well.  I was about to ask if they had Super Mario 3D Land when I woke up.

Anyway, I guess my mind went wondering from there because I was somehow hanging out with the Gokaiger cast (I seemed to be really buddy buddy with Navi, for some reason).  I don’t think they liked me at first, but once they saw how cool I was with their robot bird, they inducted me into their crew.  I even remember grabbing a line to hop aboard their ship.  After that, I somehow convinced everyone to sing along to the opening theme with me.  They even participated in the full version of the show’s closing. 

The dream was super weaboo and dumb, but it was pretty much the greatest day of my life.  Don’t hate.

Is it sad that instead of a sex dream, I have a dream about jerking off?  Ok, I’m in this weird see-through cubicle thing, which only has enough room for me to lie down in.  I think there might be a tv in front of me.  It seems like my little pod is placed in the middle of a hallway, but I can’t be sure.  Anyway, in the dream (and upon waking up) I’m SUPER fucking horny.  So, I try to rub one out.  Unfortunately, the pod I’m in has easy access for people to bust into.  My parents pop in and ask me something (I can’t remember what), until I shoo them away.  After that, I’m interrupted by Dr. Evil (yes, the one from the Austin Powers movies).  I honestly can’t say which interruption would make me lose my boner more.  Anyway, I finally am on my own again ready to spring into action, when I’m disturbed AGAIN.  This time by…The X-Men?  Well, it’s really just Cyclops and Jean Grey.  And for some reason The Thing from the Fantastic Four is with them.  About this time I wake up.  I think I was maybe in some hospital scenerio there, but I can’t be too sure.  I imagine it’s pretty hard to masturbate in a hospital as well.

It starts out with me spending the holidays with my family over at one of my aunt’s house (which is weird, because the only place I spend Christmas is at my grandmother’s).  I’m feeling pretty awkward, because I don’t know this side of my family so well, and everyone’s talking about people or events I know nothing about.  I start chatting up one cousin when this guy sits next to me.  I don’t ever see his face because I’m busy talking to someone else.  He starts talking to me, then puts his arm around me.  And not in a “family-hug” kinda way.  I have no idea who this mystery person was, but I hope we weren’t related by blood at least.

The dream starts with me at a friend’s house.  We’re just hanging out, when all of a sudden he gets completely drunk.  Well, I guess “shit-faced” would be more appropriate here, as the guy can’t even move.  I grab him, and walk him to his bedroom, where his wife is sitting.  Her face tells me that she’s really not in a good mood, so I lay him down (or more likely just drop him), and slowly back out of there.  I leave their house, then drive to my own.  Now, I live about 10 minutes away from them in real life, and on the way home is my old high school with a gas station/convenience store right next door.  The road forks there, but I always take the right next to the gas station to go home.  However, in the dream for some reason is a huge gathering of people…standing in the road.  I don’t notice them until I take the corner and plow through at least four or five of them.  I keep driving.  I woke up thinking “Holy shit, I’m about to go to jail.”

More to come, kiddies!

Recently, at one of their yearly Blizzcon events, World of Warcraft creators Blizzard Entertainment held a concert featuring George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher, the lead singer of the metal band Cannibal Corpse. However, before they started the last song in their set list, Blizzard played a video interview featuring George bashing the Alliance faction of the popular MMO. This is nothing new, as the game is made to trigger rivalries between the lighter Alliance and the darker Horde groups. What is controversial, however, is the use of words such as “homo” and “faggot” when referring to said Alliance.

To Blizzard’s credit, they did censor out the offending words when playing the video on stage (although one quick Youtube search will let anyone find the original, non-bleeped version). Unfortunately for Blizzard, this was not enough, as the stage performance (along with the video clip) was posted on Youtube soon afterward. Sites such as gaygamer.net immediately took notice and blasted Blizzard for it. Larger gaming sites such as kotaku.com also swept in to cover the story. Everyone wanted to know “What was Blizzard thinking?”

Blizzard eventually released an apology for the shenanigans, stating “It was shortsighted and insensitive to use the video at all, even in censored form. The language used in the original version, including the slurs and use of sexual orientation as an insult, is not acceptable, period. We realize now that having even an edited version at the show was counter to the standards we try to maintain in our forums and in our games. Doing so was an error in judgment, and we regret it.”

If that’s truly the case Blizzard, then why do it to begin with? You’re the largest MMO publisher in the game. I find it very hard to believe that you don’t have any kind of quality control, especially at your own convention. This whole debacle doesn’t even offend me as a gay person. It offends me as a guy with common sense.

For starters? That video you used is almost five years old. What genius thought it would be a good idea to dig that up to begin with? I can maybe see having the Cannibal Corpse guy play with the band. It’s been four years, who’s going to remember that interview anyway, right? Did anyone really need to be reminded of it? Yes, you probably would have had some controversy anyway with this guy on stage, but you could have at least played dumb about that interview afterward. Now you’ve got this crap-storm to deal with and you’re stumbling around, trying to put a Band-Aid on it.

And don’t tell me you only now realize how insensitive the whole thing is. There was no way you couldn’t know this would offend someone. Did you not think it would end up online? You’re hosting a convention for people that mostly play games online. In this age of smart phones, it takes less then a minute to air out bad publicity after you’ve made the mistake. It all goes back to quality control. I’m normally not one to suggest this because I typically think it’s full of crap, but assuming you have a quality control department, I think they’re in dire need of sensitivity training.

You get no context here.

Special thanks to my friend John Bates.